The beauty of being a Bariga Breed, is that you have the ability to change skin. Just like a Chameleon.

One minute you are posh, sophisticated, classy, quiet and reserved. You have that quiet elegance that makes a man(or woman) wanna “take you home to mama”. The next minute, you are outspoken, illmannered and quite uncouth with enough ‘Agbero” craze to put the fear of God in people.
As a Barigan, you have the ability to change with the weather.

Our Oshodi counterparts are all mouth and no action. They only know how to threaten fire and brimstone. All they do is jump and shout “Emi, Basira omo Oshodi. Lo beere mi lo Oshodi. Won bi ya eyan!”.
Meanwhile, they are stylishly withdrawing as they praise themselves and jump upandan. Next minute, they have disappeared.

Don’t try our Mushin cousins o. Those ones don’t have time for senrere. At the slightest provocation, those ones have broken bottle. Next thing you hear is “Awon da? Won ni wo tan!”

Our elders in Ajegunle are renowned for their “no-nonsense attitude”. They will first finish you with mouth(pidgin dey sweet for their mouth wella. The slangs nko? Na die!) before they decide on what punishment to mete out to you.

Our cousins in Ikoyi and Victoria Island are Ajebutters. They practice the mantra of “when they go low, we go high”.

Nibo? As a Barigan, you wait for opponent to finish performing all the wonders and craze he/she wants to, before you decide whether to “go high” or “to go even lower than them so as to force them to eat mud and then take your bath later”. ***In Olamide’s Voice** Won ni Duro!!

So I bought these lovely tees from a lady I met on instagram. She’s all the way in Lagos whilst I’m here in Abuja. Of course, I had to pay(a whole two thousand Nigerian Naira o) for her send the goods via a bus driver after paying for the tees itself. True to her word, the Lady packaged the tees and sent them immediately she recieved notification of my payment. I was told to pick it up at Jabi Park the next morning.

You can imagine my consternation when on getting to Jabi Park the next morning, I was asked to pay an extra 500 hundred before my parcel could be handed over to me. The driver got to Abuja at around 2am in the morning and left the package with a man called Omojoyibo. 500 bi ti bawo? But they paid before this parcel was sent nau? Omojoyibo claimed that the payment already made was for waybilling and this additional 500 was for storekeeping. Store keeping keh?

Ladies and Gentlemen, before I could say Jack Robinson, Omojiyibo had started raining curses on me in Yoruba. Maybe he was decieved by the “phonee” I was speaking or was it the serene experession on my face? He then proceeded to tell me to go home and come back the next day with 500 before he would release my parcel to me.

Nibo? Walahi werey lo bade!!

I can’t even start explaining how I did it, in the midst of three able-bodied agberos, but at the end of the day I collected my parcel and even drank a cold bottle of malt without paying shishi.

Trust your gal nau. I showed them correct Bariga craze. Imagine, me pay “owo omo go”? Kole werk!

Emi Eyan Mayweather! La adugbo mi, tin ti yo! Won ni duro. Lol

Nonsense and Extortion.


Yours Truly,