What was your most embarrassing moment in 2017?
If you ask me, I would say it was the day a married woman came to my house to fight me and warn me off a man.
C’mon. Don’t screw up your face in such a disgusting and judgemental manner nau. Even your bible says you should judge not. Besides, he/she who has not sinned before, let him cast the first stone. All have sinned and have been cut short of the glory of God. Abi, isn’t that what is written in your bible? Abeg, leave judgement for George abi na Georgina. Anyone of them sha, all join.
Did you just scream “get to the gist Ykayy”?
Chai! Just ‘lukatyew’ **Side eye**
You too like amebo.
Okay, okay, okay. Lemme sha give you the gist.
See This Life Me I No Like Trouble Oh
One Man’s Thing Is Another Man Struggle Oh
Money No Dey Today, Money Go Dey Tomorrow
Feel Good It’s A Happy Day
Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah Yeah
No Go Dey Do Pass Yourself
No Go Dey Do Pass Yourself
No Go Dey Do Pass Yourself
You no Get Money, You Wan Do Lau Lau
Trouble Dey Sleep Yanga Go Wake Am🎶🎶🎶
P.S. Just so you know, the above song has nothing to do with the gist at hand. It just so happens that this song has been playing on the repeat whilst I composed this blog post. To the gist now.👇👇
I met Mr. Paid at a time when I was desperately low. I had just broken up with Mr. Jay. No scratch that. Mr. Jay had just frustrated me into breaking up with him. You know all those guys that won’t break up with you outright but would keep doing things to annoy and frustrate you until you have no choice but to break up with them, just so they can tell peeps who ask after you that you did the breaking up? That was exactly how it played out between us.
I could of course see through his ploy, but I just had to let go, for my peace of mind. Plus I was battling with frequent episodes of depression at the time.
Yorubas say ko ni buru buru ko ma ku enikan mo ni. Mr. Paid was that silver lining in the midst of the dark cloud. He made me smile again. He was also going through some issues of his own, but we found comfort in each other. Well, I like to think he found some measure of comfort in me.
Omuti gbagbe Ise. In those days, you would always find a bottle of Vodka or Tequila in my house. I drank myself to sleep many nights. I was gradually becoming an alcoholic when I met him, and he helped to lighten up my spirits.
Road trips, games at Trukadero, dinner at cool restuarants, Pizza, Karaoke night at Sofa Lounge, Movies, good laughs,intelligent conversations……we were cool like that.
A week after my birthday in May, he hosted me on a two-week staycation as a birthday gift. And I came back feeling re-energized and optimistic about life again. I found it quite appealing that not for once in my moments of low did he attempt to make a move on me. Given my history with guys, this was a very refreshing and surprising development.
And so, our friendship blossomed. At first, it was more of a rebound relationship, something Yoruba’s call ‘pa ironu re’. And then it became much more than that. I grew to genuinely like him.
Due to my previous encounter with a married bachelor, I usually assume that every guy in Abuja is married until proven single. But with Mr.Paid, I let my guard down. Probably because Mr. Paid is sooo young, and I met him through a friend. I just assumed he was single. Yinmu sontin.
You can imagine how surprised I was when I was confronted by an angry Madam upon entering my house one evening. Apparently, she and her friend had been waiting for me to get back from work for a couple of hours, and they had said quite a few insulting things to my “mind your business neighbours” about me.
Chai! Ojo buruku esu bo omi mu! I chop free slap that day. Teeth bites nko? I had to go and look for raw okro seeds to rub on the surface of the teeth bites. Madam gave me a very dirty slap.
“So it is you that is dragging Paid’s attention from me abi? Ees you that wants to snatch Paid from me abi?” She screamed angrily.
‘Mogbe, Moku, Modaran. What is it about me that attracts married men? So, Paid is married,” I thought to myself.
“Madam, I…..” I started to say.
The next thing I heard, was Whoooolaaaaa! You know the kind of slap where time stands still and you can’t see anything for a couple of seconds? That is was Yorubas call ‘Igbaju Oloyii’. I swear, I thought I’d gone blind.
Before I could fully recover from that, Madam angry and her big friend converged on me and would have proceeded to give me the beating of my life if not for the timely intervention of Mrs. O and the two corper guys in my house.(I didn’t know their names at the time. We would later become gist buddies).
At this point, my neighbours had converged. The gate to our compound, which was usually locked was wide open and passersby were peering into the house to watch the free show. You how we Nigerians like amebo nau.
I’m just thankful no one thought of recording the incident. If not ehn, wuna for don see me for Instablog9ja, Gossipmill, Yabaleftonline and other gossip blogs. I can just imagine the headline: “Blogger attacked/beaten by the wife of a man she was cheating with”. And then the comments. Oh my Gawd! The comments. Especially those on instablog9ja.
I could hear one of my neighbours, Mrs.O murmuring about all these Abuja gehs that will be shamelessly going after married men. “This one shakara too much sef, make them teach am lesson today” she said. Bad belle is real o. I never knew she was that malicious.
Because there is a God in heaven and he doesn’t let his own suffer in vain, I mistakenly heard from one of the onlookers that Mrs.Weyrey was married to someone else, not Paid. Apparently, he was one of the drivers in her husband’s company and he recognized her, even though she didn’t know him.
At this time, people had intervened and she had left my compound. When I heard that she wasn’t Paid’s wife, I ran out of the Corpers room where I was asked to chill until she left with her madness.
You needed to have seen how I ran out. It was as though, the hounds of hell were on my heels. As luck would have it, they were still outside, because her car had refused to start. Ope o! Ori iya alaso o sun! My ‘Chi’ had not gone on sabbatical.
“Madam!” I yelled, tapping her roughly from behind. “So you are married to someone else and you came to fight me over another?”
I gave her a resounding slap. She returned the slap and without further ado, it became a full-fledged fight. At the time, I was a workout junkie and I had just taken up boxing as a workout routine. That was how I got to test my punching skills on her.(Many thanks indeed to Cy. Gym Instructor of laive who insisted I throw at least a 100 punches everyday in the gym).
Her friend made to join but my neighbours had already gotten the gist and so they joined in the ruckus. It was a real “Igboro ti daru” moment in my crib that evening.
Even Mrs.O who was making snide remarks about me before joined in the ruckus. You need to have seen how she balanced om Mrs.Weyrey’s big friend and beat the living daylight out of her. I guess that was her own way of subtly apologizing to me for all the shit she had said.
And those corper guys? Correct guys. They punctured the tyres of her car and at the end of the day Madam Weyrey and her friend had to run away.
Won sa eere ka ba ka ba.
Turns out that herself and Paid were dating for all of three months before he found out that she was married. He, of course immediately broke things off with her but she wasn’t ready to let go.
When she heard he was seeing me, she went all ballistic and thought to come warn me off. She wasn’t counting on me finding out that she was married to someone else and fighting her back.
It was my the most embarrassing moment of the year for me, because a lot of people who had hitherto not heard my voice before, heard the gist that a married woman had come to warn me off her man. Most of them, had already left when it discovered she was married to someone else. So the gist that I had been wriny accused did not go round. Even till now, I still hear some people making snide comments about that day as I pass by.
The gall of it. Coming to fight a single lady over a single guy who isn’t your husband. I don’t even understand single ladies who fight over single guys. I mean, the fact that there is someone else involved, means you already fought and lost. But a married woman coming to fight over a guy? I swear, I’ve seen it all. There really is nothing new under the sun.
What was the most embarrassing moment of 2017 for you? Do drop your comments. Y’all know how much I love to read from you.
Photo Credit📷: Pininterest
Ko ni buru buru ko ma ku enikan mo ni -Bad as e bad, one person go dey wey you fit lean on.
Ope o – Thank Goodness.
Chi – Personal god.
Won sa e re ka ba ka ba- They ran helter skelter.
Igboro ti daru – There is pandemonium in town.