Today, I decided to compile a list of things we do that I think we need to leave behind in 2017. The hashtag #stopin2017 has been trending on various social media channels for about a week or two, and so I decided to hop on the trend.
I hope you have as much fun reading my list as I had compiling it.
1. You: Ha! Fine geh like you. How can you say you are single to stupor? Issa lie jhoor.
Please, just stop it this year.
If you want to chyke me, juss go straight to the point and chyke me. Don’t comman be dragging my singlehood with me.
Is it your single?
Am me you?
Is you me?
Me is you?
Stop it o.
2. All this guys that will slide into a ladies dm and be perambulating about the bush, better stop it in 2017 0.
Which wan is:
You: How you doing?
Me: Good. You?
3. Slut shaming is another shit that should be left in 2017 o.
If you ask a girl out and she refuses to date you, feel free to go to wan kona (not the song o) and cry if it’s really paining you. So, because she refused to date you she is now an ashawo, but if she had agreed to date you, she would have been the best thing since fried rice abi? Berra stop it this 2017 o.
Calling a girl an ashewo because she refused to date you only shows how miserable and psychotic you are.
The one that annoys me the most is when you have an argument with a random guy on say an ATM queue, and then the next thing he goes ‘Ashawo’. Like, are you for real? Someone you’ve never seen, you hurriedly give her the ashewo tag because you don’t know what else to say? If you call me ashawo, shey it is okay for me to call you mother the area mama of all ashewos that is pimping me out, abi?
Stop it in 2017 o. Lerrus all respect ourselves.
4. Guys, (Indian guys especially) sending unsolicited pictures of your prick must stop this 2017.
Pray, tell me, what am I to do with a picture of your prick? Am I supposed to print it out and frame it for my wall? What exactly is your aim and objective?
5. “Ykayy, I love you as a friend. In fact, I have come to see you as my sister”.
Bros, biko leave this 👆👆👆 talk in 2017. I know my family members, and my family members know me. I am not your sister. Every spirit of sister zoning, Holy ghost fire!!
6.Calling someone’s number 15 times at a go is wrong. If you call me twice and I do not pick the call, give me time to return your missed calls.
Don’t come and be bombarding my phone with 15 missed calls in the space of 5 minutes. Am I owing you? Or are you the one that bought my phone for me? You want to run down my battery ni?
7. Guys, telling a girl that you are single when you are actually married is another lie that should stop in 2017.
If you are married, say it. Say the truth and the truth shall set you free. There are some girls that actually love dating married men.
Don’t come and be saying I’m married, but my wife is the worse thing that ever happened to me. I wish I met you before her. I’m going to divorce her, I’m just waiting for the right time.
Puh leaze! Keep your sob stories to yourself.
Aunty, you too, do normal. Don’t play yourself. That ‘I will divorce my wife and marry you’ lie is too stale to be catching you. Say no to bobo juice!
8. Please, I don’t normally chat on here. Give me your whatsapp number so that we can chat better.
Bros, this 👆👆 lie must stop this 2017.
You know you don’t normally chat on here, but that did not stop you from sliding into my dm abi? Wehdone sah!
I no ees numba you want to collect, just tell me straight up, instead of beating around the bush.
9. All those quantitative aptitude posts or teasers that you people post on social media should better end in 2017 o.
You post a quantitative aptitude test question with the caption ‘only 5% of the smartest people will get the answer’. Wehdone o! Mr. Examiner.
We did quantitative aptitude in primary school. Ees nor my fault that you people dinnor pass common entrance and jumped into secondary school. If you want to know whether you now know book, kindly go and buy Ugo. C. Ugo and practise in your house, instead of asking us common entrance questions.
The one that the poster will say ‘I am 100 years old, my sister is half my age, how old is my sister?’
Ees like you are not alright abi? What is my business with your sister’s age? That is your family problem. Ees nor me that say your sister should not have birth certificate.
10. Body shaming is another habit that should end in 2017.
Mr&Miss Body shamers. What is your business in another person’s body size? Are you perfect yourself? How dare you even look at another person’s body to the extent that you now form a derogatory opinion about it?
11.Miss Lizzyjayfinesthottestchick was with Shurlar Ige and 109 others at Hard rock cafe, Lagos, meanwhile I’m on my bed in Kubwa, contemplating where my next meal will come from.
That shit should stop this 2017 o. Do not tag me to your pictures if I am not in it.
12. When are we coming to eat rice?(As per wedding)
Whats your business in my business? Are you Iya Solape or Chief Ige?
You will come and eat rice the day I invite you to come and eat.(That is, if I will even invite you to come and eat in the first place sef)
If rice is hungrying you to eat, go to Chicken republic and buy yourself a plate of rice and chicken and eat. You wee nor die if you use your money to buy the rice. They are doing promo in Chicken republic now, a plate of rice and chicken is just #500.
13. Dearest girlfriend, replying a lady who congratulates you on your engagement with “your own will soon come” should end in 2017.
‘Your own will soon come’ is not thank you. Thank her for congratulating you. C’mon. Don’t be rude.
14. “Ladies, it is not all about being a slay queen and fixing expensive human hair. Men don’t even know the difference between human hair and synthetic weaves. It is not only your beauty that will attract a man. We need intelligent women and not slay queens.”
Rubbish talk like this 👆👆👆 and unnecessary bashing should end in 2017.
Many of you guys writing this rubbish do not even have a plan for your life, it is only to be bashing slay queens up and down that you know.
Leave slay queens and their expensive human hair alone. Go and look for mgbeke and marry. Na wetin fit you be that.
15. Is that not your friends ex? How can you date your friends ex?
That sister code that says you can not date your friends ex should better be scratched this 2017 o. Time is going. We don’t have the time to be getting to know strangers. In 2018, we will be dating guys based on referrals and past experiences.
Honestly, there are a lot of shitty things that we should not bring into 2018, but those are the ones that comes to my mind. Feel free to add yours in the comment section.