Dear Michael,

It is exactly one year since you collected my hard-earned five thousand Nigerian Naira #5000 as part payment to sew a dress for my last birthday which you never delivered. I specifically told you I wanted to wear the dress to my birthday Dinner.

Birthday came and went. You did not deliver the dress. Oya oga return my material and my money since you’ve refused to do the job nah. Abi ti iwaju o ba se lo, eyin a se pada si. Material, you did not return. Money nko? You didn’t refund. Mi o reje, mi o ri omira.

I juss wan clear you say you no fit chop Ijebu girl mugu. Iro nla. You cannot eat an Ijebu girl’s money and go scot-free. Laye nbi khoor.

Keep on avoiding me shogbo.
Egberun saamu e ko le sa mo olorun lowo.

One day when you least expect it, I will catch you. And wherever it is I see you, I don’t care whether it’s in a public place or in the presence of my MCM, I will collect my money plus 7.5% interest.

Sho lo stupid ni.
I will aid you in your stupidity.

Your unfairly treated client,
Ijebu Goddess.


This is me patiently waiting for the day I wee catch you. O ma bloody gan. Gbagbe!


Short Glossary

* Abi ti iwaju o ba se lo, eyin a se pada si.. – Atleast, if you one can’t move forward, one should be able to go backward….

*Laye nbi khoor- Not in this lifetime.

P.S. Nobody shuu tell me to let the money go o. It’s impossican’t. Just give me advice on how I can catch him and collect my money from him.