No matter how hard I try to emphathize with victims of domestic violence, I cannot for the life of me understand why people refuse to leave their violent partners. We talk about domestic violence everyday, and yet, the percentage of deaths linked to domestic violence is on the increase.

All over social media, you see the hashtags #stopdomesticviolence #saynotodomesticviolence #leavetolive, yet we still hear the sad stories of people being beaten or stabbed to death by their significant other. It seems to me like we every month we are saying RIP to those who died at the hands of the partner due to domestic violence, and yet, these people refuse to leave.
Do y’all have a death wish? Because, I cannot fully grasp it.

I don’t know how else to say this to you.
Run away from a violent partner.

I just read another sad story.
The young lady has been married for just 4 months and now she’s dead.
Her husband reportedly killed her.

Leave abusive marriages.
Leave abusive relationships.
Nothing good can come out of such relationships. Marriage does not fix a man. If he is beating you before you even marry, chances are that it will get worse after the marriage.

Too many cases of RIPs.

Just this last month, a woman reportedly stabbed her husband to death. According to her, her husband had turned her to a punching bag which he punches everyday. She claims she had been advised repeatedly by her family to leave him, but she refused, because he was the husband of her youth. So she stayed and endured the beatings, until that fateful day when she snapped and stabbed him to death.

When I read the news story, I was totally gobsmacked. I mean, this is Nigeria, and most times, you hear stories of domestic violence victims who want to leave but are encouraged to stay and endure by their relatives, and here we have a woman who has the approval of her family to leave but who refuses, because “He is the husband of her youth?”

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What is Domestic Violence?
Violent or agressive behaviour within the home.

According to Wikipedia, Domestic violence is violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation.
Domestic violence takes a number of forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, economic, sexual abuse, which can range from subtle, coercive forms to marital rape and violent physical abuse such as choking, beating etc that can result in disfigurement or death.

While domestic violence is a global problem, this epidemic has assumed a disturbing dimension in Nigeria, with women as the chief sufferers.

I say “women”, because have you ever noticed how people advise men to flee from their violent partners, but encourage women to stay and endure when they are on the recieving end?

These perpetuators and enables look for excuses to justify a woman being beaten by her man.
You hear things like👇👇
“Oh! She must have provoked him.”
“You want to leave your husband because of small beating that he beat you? Smh! Women of nowadays.”
“This is what you get when you nag too much and don’t submit to your husband. Don’t you know he is your Lord and master?”
They tag it as “correction”, and advise the woman to be patient, endure, watch war room and be more prayerful. What kind of dirty prayer is that?

I once attended a seminar in a church where the preacher was saying that there us nothing that a prayerfully sound wife cannot correct on her knees. He advised women who were going through all sorts of abuses to take it to the Lord in prayer. “No matter how difficult it is, endure and pray for God to change him. He is the unchangeable changer.” He admonished.

Hay God o! Right where I was sitting in tje audience, I had a strong urge to walk up to him and say, “Ha, Ika niyin sah!” but I didn’t. I just carried my bag and left the church.

Imagine the rough play.
A man is beating you like Floyd Mayweather beats his opponents in a boxing ring and you are staying to pray?
Are you even serious at all? Do you even cherish your life at all?

I believe strongly in the power of prayers.
But you should be praying for him after you have run to safety. You cannot be living under the same roof with a wild animal and be praying for safety. Even the bible says to flee from all appearance of evil. And any man who hits you is evil. Including those who encourage you to stick with a violent partner.

Leave that place of worship if the pastor is only interested in preaching “Divorce is not an option’, saith Lord” without caring about your wellbeing.

Dead people don’t have second chances.
That pastor will only sing “Rest in the bosom of your Lord”, while officiating at your burial.
Even those kids you claim you to be enduring or suffering for will blame you if you allow yourself to be killed by your spouse.

Heaven helps those who help themselves. Leave while you still can.

Like my mom usually says, till death do us part, does not translate to death at the hands of your partner.

Leave to live.

May the soul of Gloria Onyedikachi Odinma and all the departed victims of domestic violence, Rest In peace.

~Ha! Ika niyin sah!
Ha, you are wicked sah!

 

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