Saturdays are for Owambe’s, but in my yard, Saturdays are for drama.
Never have I ever been in a more drama prone environment like my current yard. Omo, this awa yard na hin dey suppose dey call ‘Fuji House of Commotion’. One week, one drama.
Different types of characters na hin full for here. Like say dem do audition for us, con cast us as actors for African magic soap opera production.
In this compound, we have the upcoming artist/guitarist who will not allow us sleep at night or rest during the day, because he keeps serenading us with his rhymeless tunes and hoarse voice. Living with him is his born-again sister. The difference between the two siblings is as clear as night and day.
While the brother is loud, brash and doesn’t hesistate to remind any one who cares to listen to him that he is a ‘proper warri boy’, the sister is a shy ‘spirikoko’ who barely responds to greetings.
We also have the “Who’s Ya daddy?” crooner. If you are a regular in the blog, you will have read about his “Who’s ya daddy?” stunt. But if you haven’t read it, click on the link below to read the full post👇👇
Then there is, the Yoruba Demon. A compound that doesn’t have a yoruba demon as one of its occupants, is that one a compound? And he is a ‘Slay King’ to boot! Trust my Yoruba brothers to rep nah.
And of course, there is yours truly who is petty af!
Did I remember to mention my Landlady who is allergic to minding her own business? No? Well, that’s gist for another day.
Enough of the intro. I’m sure you have an inkling of how all these characters put together can create drama even when there isn’t any reason to do so, on a daily basis.
Now to today’s gist.
It appears that Spirikoko sister and Yoruba Demon have been banging like BangBros all over the yard for quite sometime now.
Did you just open your mouth in surprise?
Na so me sef open my mouth when I hear am o.
Anyways, their result sheet is out. They are pregnant.
Let me rephrase, she is pregnant.
Yoruba demon claims “nor be only am do the do”, and is wondering why they want to hang it over his neck.
Spirikoko sista insists that he is the only one she’s banging. “Shey I be small pikin? I no go who gie me belle?”
“Dah wan no concern me. Me own be say no be only me dey drill dat well wey you dey call toto. Why you wan con robe me for belle wey no be my own?” Onku asked.
“Robe gbawa kwa gi there! When I was giving you reverse cow girl style and you were giving me prone deep without rubber, you no talk say dem wan robe you o. When you dey lick my toto like say na ice-cream, you no sabi say na hole bah? Abi, na me force you to do without protection?” Aunty yelled, while whining her waist forwards and backwards in demonstration.
” You wey I just dey manage. Better go find the person wey give you belle o …..“
These are both graduates, in their 30’s, without jobs. Shey I told you Spirikoko sista is living with her brother, while Yoruba Demon claims he is into consultancy. I really don’t know what he is consulting, because he is always at home.
There have been series of verbal tantrums and physical gwaragwara since morning.
Spirikoko sista has been looking at me one kain, expecting me to join in her “Men are scum” rant, but what concern me inside what dinnor concern me? Afterall, I dinnor follow and recieve head or organsm sef. So why shuulai chuck mouth?
Na so I jeje carry myself enter house before they include me in something I know jack about. I don’t like wahala. Before someone will mistakenly throw me punch for eye. Ni fine geh baje, lori nkan ti o kan mi. God forbid!
Saturdays are for weddings, but here it is for DRAMA!!
What have I not heard today? Verbal demonstration of Yoruba Demon’s cum face and soundtrack, I didn’t even know there was a style called prone-deep o. Reverse cow girl I have of, but ewo tu ni 69 nitori oloun?
Hey gwad o!
And I thought I was pretty knowledgeable about these things. So na novice I be?
Anyways, Spirikoko’s brother and Yoruba Demon are out there fighting inside this heavy rain. All my other neighbours are out there trying to seperate them. But dah wan no concern me.
Let me go and google ‘prone deep’ and ’69’ positions. Before I will go and disgrace myself in the presence of my future husband when he finally turns up.