Yesterday, I was on my own jeje, pressing my phone under the warmth of my duvet, trying to remember why I’m still booless, especially during this weather, when this Onku messaged me on whatsapp.
It was the usual; “Hey pretty, Sup? Where are you? How is your day going? What are you up to? Bla bla bla …….
I told Onku I was just home, pressing my phone.
Then Onku asks if I wouldn’t mind him coming to pick me, so we could both do some Netflix and chill at his home.
I thought, Oh! Nice idea. I’d love to go out.I haven’t left my house since Friday. So I said yes and sent him my address.
Then I ran to have a bath. Put my make up on, and then, while trying to wriggle into my jean trousers, my phone buzzes and it’s a message from Onku.
And it reads;
“I already bought the Cd’s😁😁
I want something light.”
I’m like; “Huh? Cd’s? I thought you said we were going to be watching movies on Netflix? What kind of movies do you refer to as something light sef?”.
Onku said, “Stop jhoor. You know what I mean by Cd’s now. Or do you like it raw?”
Raw bi ti bawo? Haha! Igbawo la beere love ti a kiss? When we start to dey do lovey lovey wey kiss wan con enter am? Abi, how does Netflix and chill now translate into Condom and raw talk?
I was flabbergasted. Very. Especially as Onku and I don’t roll that way. Onku has always kept things between us on a purely platonic level. So I couldn’t help wondering why the sudden change.
I said “Onku, this doesn’t sound like you o.
Wrong chat bah?”
Onku said: “Nope. It isn’t a wrong chat. I can’t wait to shower those cute lips of yours with wet and hot kisses.I want some steamy romancing and hot banging. You know, something light.”
Ehn! I blinked! And then, I checked my phone again.
Steamy romancing, and hot banging!
3 seconds later, another message comes in.
“I’m in front of your house. Come out”.
And while I’m still trying to find a suitable response,
“Shey, you’ll pack the stuff you’ll need to spend night, bah?
Tho, I can lend you some stuff to wear sha”.
Eh Gawd o! Spend the night?
Ah! Ko oju ma ri ibi, gbogbo ara logun e. I just switched off my phone, took off the jeans I had been trying to wriggle into and wiped off my make up.
Then I sat on the floor and began to think of my life.
I have really suffered! You see the things that this my boolessness will cause ehn, Smh!
Onku wants something light.
Steamy romancing and hot banging!
Imagine, he did not even say sex or love-making o. Onku said, hot banging. I’m sure he most have popped some Viagra or taken some shots of ‘ Alani Pamolekun’, or ‘Falila Ketan’ on his way to my house, in anticipation of the hot banging.
Hot banging! Spend the night!
I shuu spend the night so that he will destroy my power house all night with hot banging, abi?
Jesus did not die for this.
Photo📷 Credit: Pininterest finds.
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