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Arrrrrrggh!!!

Fellow Nigerians,

It’s 6:45am, on Monday the 27th of August, in the year of our Lord 2018.

It is too early in the morning and week to rant, but rant I will.

See ehn, If you call someone and the person asks who you are, “My name is ….
.” or “I am ….” is the perfect response you ought to give. A proper introduction. Sefini.

Very simple sontin.
Hello,
Hello
Yea, who is this?
My name is Edmond or Its Yinka.

🖕🖕See? How difficult can be?

Don’t wake me up around 6am on a Monday with a call and then respond with “So you don’t have my number?” when I ask you to Identify yourself. If I had your number, I wouldn’t be asking who you are. Chances are, I either deleted it or never even saved it in the first place, which is my own prerogative.

Wait fess, what response are you even expecting when you ask that question? Are you expecting that I will lie and tell you ‘Ha, I lost my phone and all my contacts with it ni o’, just to satisfy your ego? Ain’t happening. Onku, I don’t have your number. Identify yourself.

Same goes for WhatsApp too.

An unkwown number will message you on WhatsApp.

You’ll reply.

Then they’ll start asking questions and acting all familiar with you.

Until you are forced to ask; “Please, who am I chatting with?”.

Instead of them to simply type their name, which may not even be more than eight letters, they’ll proceed to type a whole sentence.

“So you’ve deleted my number abi?”

Really?

Ki omo ba le da ran la se n so omo loruko. 

Incase you didn’t know, the main reason why your parents spent thousands of Naira, or hundreds if Naira(depending on what year or era of the Nigerian economy in which you were born and how rich your parents were), hosting and feeding friends and enemies alike at your naming ceremony, was to give you a name. A means of Identification. Use it.

The one that annoys me the most is those who ask questions like “So, you cannot recognize my voice?” No. I fit not. I fittn’t can’t. Are you my mother? Are we at a voice recognition audition? Are you the one giving me multiple orgasms?

I’m still having trouble with deciphering if the voice I keep hearing in my dreams telling me to leave my job and focus on my side hustle is the voice of God, or the voice of my village people chanting “Ajekun iya ni o je, Ajekun iya ni o je” over my photograph.

Now, Pray tell, if I cannot recognize the voice of my Lord and Personal saviour, the author and finisher of my faith, who died for me on the cross of Calvary, is it now yours I’m supposed to recognize?

E joor, edakun e je ka ma je kori pe o.
We are all adults, living in a somewhat civilized society. Let us be acting with some decorum biko.

Photo📷 Credit: Planetminecraft

P.S. Having said all of that, Sorry I snapped at you and dropped your call when you were busy forming outrage that I didn’t have your number instead of simply identifying yourself. Ehen ehen, what was your reason for calling me at 6am sef?

P.P.S. Please, don’t come to the comment section with that stale, recycled “that’s how some of you use to pursue your life partner with too much questioning” line. It’s too early in the week for that. Besides, I’m very grumpy this morning. Don’t let me de hin mo e o.

 

Xoxo,

2 Comment

  1. “The one that annoys me the most is those who ask questions like “So, you cannot recognize my voice?” No. I fit not. I fittn’t can’t. Are you my mother? Are we at a voice recognition audition? Are you the one giving me multiple orgasms?”

    Ghen Ghen! So you have lowkey been recieving multiple orgasms all along and you are here claiming booless bae bah? Shurla Apostu must hear of this😛😛

  2. This shii can be sooo annoying.

    Someone will call you and when you ask them to identify themselves, they’ll be forming one yeye outrage instead of mentioning their names.

    Some will even be asking you “So you’ve deleted my number abi?”

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